Monday, January 4, 2010



Tahun ini akan dijadikan sebagai tahun cabaran bagi aku. Telah diniat di lubuk hati ini untuk menjadikan tahun yang paling produktif bagi aku, baik dari segi zahir mahu pun batin.

Aku tidak lagi ingin membuang masa seperti tahun tahun sebelum ini. Setiap masa akan ku hasilkan sesuatu yang bermakna. Untuk itu, selamat tinggal dunia lepak, dunia alpa, dan dunia sia sia. Telah terlalu banyak masa dan kudrat ini disiakan dengan aktiviti yang tidak produktif. Akan ku mulakan dengan kayuhan 1000km. Misi pada tahun ini adalah untuk mencapainya sebelum puasa menjelang.

Penilaian kendiri juga telah ku amati. Ingin ku kuatkan lagi perdambaan ku kepadaNya. Akan ku perkuatkan usaha untuk mendampingi Nya dengan penuh ikhlas dan tawwadu'. Aku sungguh lalai dalam menunaikan tanggungjawab sebagai khalifah bumi. Andai aku mati di tika ini, tidak mungkin dapat ku kecapi nikmat syurga, nescaya harumannya sekalipun.

Nukilan ini hanyalah niat ku di kala ini. Namun, semua ini hanyalah sia sia andai gagal untuk ku menunaikannya. I need to walk the talk. Untuk menjalankannya, banyak pengorbanan akan ku lakukan. Maaf dipinta andai perlakuan ku selepas ini tidak lagi seperti dahulu.

It is a make or break year. Andai aku tidak melangkah sekarang, maka makin banyak hati dan masa yang akan aku sakiti. Dan andai kata tidak bergerak, maka semua impian dan cita cita hanya mampu tinggal kenangan..

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Tentang Diriku

Saban hari aku cuba untuk tidak mebiarkan ianya merumitkan pemikiran,
Tetapi tiap hari pasti perasaan itu akan terus menyirap ke dalam hati ini
Aku kian mendahagai sebuah kasih yang tulus
Segugus kasih yang telah lama tidak ku rasai kemanisan,
Secebis kasih yang kian hari kian luput dari hati
Secubit kasih yang kian malap baranya.

Aku merindui perasaan dicintai
Aku merindui perasaan mencintai
Mencintai seseorang yang ingin dicintai
Mencintai insan yang merasakan dicintai

Genggaman tangannya sudah terlalu lama tidak ku amati
Namun genggaman cinta juga kian lama kian mengulai.
Barangkali catitan hitam yang berlaku kini akan memalitkan lagi
Retakan seribu yang tidak mampu aku lapisi

Di ketika ini
Aku hanya mampu meratip setiap kesalahan yang berlalu
Aku hanya mampu menjadi insan yang hiba
Namun aku akan terus berusaha
Untuk memiliki sebuah hakiki
Yang indah dan terbaik untuk diriku
Namun hingga ke tika itu
Aku akan masih terus berusaha
Untuk menghadirkan sebuah cinta dari hatimu kepadaku
Kerana tidak mampu untuk ku curahkan kasih ku kepada yang lain

Monday, December 28, 2009


Entah kenapa, saban hari perihal aku diperhatikan oleh segelintir. Setiap tingkah laku akan dipersoal dan ditegur. Mungkin kerana mereka sayang, atau mungkin kerana mereka risau, tapi semua perkara pasti akan dikritis.

Dan entah mengapa, teguran yang dilemparkan dapat ku rasakan teramat sinis. Dan entah mengapa, teguran yang diberi pasti akan berasa dengan kekecewaan di lubuk hati. Sebagai insan yang tak lekang dengan kesabaran, setiap sinisan diterima, aku hanya mampu beristighfar di dalam hati untuk mengelak api amarah dari terus menyala. Dan setiap istighfar itu, pasti dapat menyejukkan hati ini untuk terus bersama.

Mungkin aku seorang yang pelembut di dalam kehidupan ini, dan mungkin aku seorang yang penyabar, tapi jauh di lubuk hati perasaan geram pasti akan ternukil.

Setiap insan yang menegur, telah ku kenali lebih dari sedekad lamanya. Dan setiap insan yang ku katakan ini, pasti mengasihi aku sebagai seorang sahabat.

Biarkan sahaja perihal mereka. Masing masing sudah dewasa dan matang dalam persahabatan. Barangkali jikalau perkara ini keterlaluan, mereka akan mengetahui apa yang tersirat.

Biarkan..biarkan mereka terjun dengan perihal perihal mereka.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Maafkan (Tak Sempurna)

Ecoutez – Maafkan (Tak Sempurna)

saat kau katakan apa yang kau rasa dalam hatimu padaku
dan kujawab rasa cintamu yang dalam dengan senyuman di bibirku
semua indah, serasa dalam mimpi

dan hari pun silih berganti menguji cintaku kepadamu
tlah kuberi semua rasa cinta serta hatiku padamu
namun kau slalu menuntutku lebih
hingga ku tak tahu harus apa lagi

maafkan aku yang tak sempurna
sampai kapan pun itu aku tetap begini
ku hanya ingin tuk selalu menjadi
yang terbaik untukmu

huuuu, tak sempurna, tak sempurna
huuuu, tak sempurna, tak sempurna

seandainya ku dapat menjadi seorang seperti yang kau inginkan
hingga tak tergantikan cintaku dengan cinta yang lainnya
karena kau slalu menuntutku lebih
sampai ku tak tahu harus apa lagi

repeat reff

tak sempurna, tak sempurna, nanananananana
oooooh, tak sempurna, tak sempurna
dididididadadadida, tak sempurna, tak sempurna
dududududududu, tak sempurna, tak sempurna

repeat reff [2x]

tak sempurna, tak sempurna
tak sempurna, tak sempurna

Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Tipping Point

Ramadhan is the time where I'll read up books during my free time. For this year, the first book that I read is The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell.

It was not my intention to read up this book on the first place. Piles of other interesting reading materials was listed in my head. My sister had the fortunate to stumble upon a man in one of the popular bookstores that literally gorged up all the books available on the shelf. So without hesitation, she bought a copy of the book and gave it to me.

The Tipping Point started of with the story of how Hush Puppies suddenly cameback into our fashion scene in late 1994. The brand had been all but dead until that point. With just sheer luck, it managed to turn its business and past its tipping point to breakthrough again.

The book tells us on how little changes can actually have a significant changes in the future. It is the art of tackling these changes that can make or break the decisions that we will be venturing. Here, we will learn on the importance of 3 types of people that will help us in making an epidemic to happen. You will also learn the characteristics of these people, the Connectors, the Mavern and the Sales Person. Little that we know, all of us falls under either one of it. The Tipping Point will guide us in becoming a better representative in each group.

Stickiness Factor is the next topic in the list. This topic will elaborate on how epidemics can sustain through out its period. Examples regarding on how Sesame Street and Blues Clues managed to uphold their positions on TV was really an eye opener. It was an interesting chapter to hold, and little that I know, I spent an entire night reading it up without dozing off. No spoilers can be given out, but what I can say is, both Sesame Street and Blues Clues are rocket sciences! And we thought it is kids stuff!

The Power of context tells us the importants of understanding issues in tackling problems or opportunities. The story on how Bernie Goetz altered the New York Crime rate was amazing. The power of the number 150 is a must read to all Project Managers/Directors.

In conclusion, The Tipping Point is a must read book for all. It will make us realise how little changes in our approach to life and surroundings can actually alter the course ahead. I would also recommend this book to as a starter readers who wants to take up motivation genre.For readers who loved Freakonomics, grab this book and we could debate on the issue of Fall of New York City crime rate.

Enjoy your reading :)

for review in Bahasa Melayu, click here

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy.. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid; I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affection between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, "you are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs".

Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we were just married, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls".

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife.. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said "you go to select some furniture, O.K.? I've got something to do in the company".

Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised to do it together with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt.

Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body.

This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slightly joking way, suppose we divorce, what will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking to her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I've got something to tell you, I said. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the serious topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I'm serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer made her angry.. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

Late that night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fall asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal a life as possible. Her reason was
simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day? This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, I remember. You carried me in your arms, she continued, so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage romantically.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, Let us start from today, don't tell our son. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for a bus, I drove to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, the outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vague.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger. I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now. She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain.. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.
Our son had gone to school. She said, actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.

I held her tightly and said, both you and I didn't notice that our life lacked intimacy.

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. You got no fever.. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card.
I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.

taken from an email recently received

Thursday, August 20, 2009


I missed the moments where the night breeze silently sweeping my face as we race pass through it. And I missed the times when we stop over for our thirst quenchers whenever we felt tired along the way. It's been several weeks since our last ride as a group. It's going to be a month halt prior to Ramadhan.

How I wish if we could do another night before we solemnly obey to Allah's instruction. And it would be great if we can get all together. We can listen to the buzzing noise of vehicles passing us by, little that we know it is an attenuator for is in depleting our hectic mind. We could secretly admire the cool night breeze as we pass the hills, and make us realize that there are plenty of natural beauties out there that we ignorantly did not know.

I remembered the time when we used to giggle on each moment we joked, and also we pant for breath when trying to talk while paddling up the hill. These are the moments I silently missed.

If I could get it for another night, I would be gayly happy to face Him in the month of humbleness.